I am writing this on Feb 13th – 10 days before the upload.
It’s a Sunday morning – the sun is shining on my face. I am typing without a plan and really hoping my thoughts take me somewhere. Somewhere decent enough for me to have content to upload on my blog this month.
I was just browsing through my English notebook from high school – it's been so long since I wrote pages after pages on paper. 2013/2014 was a time when I could churn out a thousand words on paper in a 45 min English class because that was the expectation of the teacher. I don’t know if I can ever get back to being that productive again without any extrinsic motivation. I also joined a creative writing class at university in 2017. It was an unsuccessful attempt to find myself in writing although being in a classroom with a published author as a lecturer was an honor.
I am in a decent place with my mental health right now. Far better than I was in the second half of 2021. And I’m afraid that I find it hard to write from a good mental space. I am not sure how and why but writing happens more seamlessly when I’m in pain – of any kind. I am hoping this blog compels me to change that equation because I want to keep writing. I want to write about happy things and sad ones, the uncomfortable conversations, things that fill my heart with gratitude – everything. Everything I see, think and feel. But it's not always easy to articulate all that without sounding boring, proud, or preachy.
This blog came into existence because I wanted to share my journey as an immigrant in Canada – a humble but sincere attempt to make someone out there feel less alone. What I never thought about when starting is what I would do if I were the one feeling alone. Even though I have the advice to give, experiences to share, I don’t feel like talking about them today. And no matter what, I want to keep this blog honest about how I feel. So, let’s hope I can present something more useful and worth reading next month!
A lot has happened in the last 10 days since I wrote this piece. I will write about my grief when I can. Till then, I hope you and I can take care of ourselves to the best of our abilities.