My relationship with money 💸

I was told at an young age that I understand money more than my older sibling and it wasn’t exactly a compliment. I was just a kid saving up to buy stickers but I understand now that the elders at home were unknowingly threatened by this trait of mine. Culturally, good, obedient girls shouldn’t care about money and other worldly things. It disturbs the power dynamic at home.

I was financially dependent on my father till I was 24/25 and there were multiple instances in my formative years where I was threatened by him about this privilege being taken away from me. I’m not here to paint an ugly picture of the man who happily sponsored my ridiculously expensive education up until my undergraduate degree. Education was his top most priority and he fulfilled his responsibility with flying colors. I am aware that this is a benefit many never get but as a child, I was made to feel unsafe about being dependent on him and that feeling never really went away.

As I near the 6 year mark of being financially independent, this is where I’m at:

💰 Money isn’t everything but it needs to be taken seriously. Being bad with money is not cute.

💰 Women’s financial independence is quite new so I love to see them spending money on things that make them happy. But capitalism is a patriarchal, sneaky tool. It gave women money but it also consistently built markets targeting women, making them insecure and ensuring they never stop buying to feel adequate. Most of our moms love shopping because it gives them a sense of control and freedom which they otherwise don’t have in their life. Its a tricky place and social media has only made it worse for our generation. It is difficult but I really TRY to keep my life minimalistic when it comes to clothes, bags, skincare & other beauty items.

💰 I have always been a saver. I get a thrill from spending less than I can afford. I love the idea of having extra money so that I can show up for my friends & family during emergencies. I have a bit of “provider” mindset and I recently discovered its a masculine trait because historically (and in my family), only men had their own money.

💰 I get anxious about spending large amounts. Be it travel or other big ticket items, I’m always scared that “its too much” & I don’t “deserve it”. I come from a mother who has unhealthy emotions about the sufferings in the world and I was always told “so many children are starving” when I asked for something. As much as this taught me the importance of giving, it also instilled pointless guilt in me. I’m trying to work on this as I grow older. I know there is no point hoarding money and the goal is to strike a healthy balance where I do things to enrich my life so that I can show up for others.

I will ALWAYS advocate for financial independence, especially if you’re not a cishet man. Its a very essential weapon for survival in this world. But if you’re someone who’s surroundings and circumstance allow you to be happy by being financially dependent on a parent/spouse and they don’t make you feel small about it, GOOD FOR YOU. Being a unit of labour is not fun. There is a reason no other species does it. The ultimate dream is to be a pretty cow, moo and walk across a field slowly chewing grass on a random, Wednesday afternoon. Not to sit in another Teams meeting and “circle back” on lame problems.