Continuing from my last post where I talked about education…
2) Secular values:
Both my parents come from traditional Hindu, Brahmin backgrounds and had every reason to give us a religious upbringing. But apart from teaching us some basic day-to-day Hindu rituals (that too not very strictly), we were not fed myths or misinformation about other religions. We often had Muslim house help at our home in Dhaka and were taught to not disturb them when they prayed 5 times a day. There were never any questions raised about the religion of our friends whereas I have heard of parents who teach their kids to not get too close to children of other religions. Now that I live on my own, I was never forced to have a prayer room or any religious setup like most Hindu homes do. It’s been very refreshing to have such an open-minded upbringing because I have seen children who grow up to be confused adults when it comes to religion – they end up worrying more about hurting their parents’ sentiments without learning much about the core values that religion can teach.
I saved my favorite one for the last because this really is a big deal in my culture.
3) Marriage:
Parents of two daughters in South Asia not dreaming about marrying their daughters off is quite rare. People talked when we were being sent abroad without husbands and they still do because to their utter disappointment, we still don’t have husbands. My elder sister is well past her ‘right age’ of marriage according to society’s (nonexistent) law but my parents have NEVER brought this conversation to the table. And I know I can say the same 10 years down the line – irrespective of whether I am single- they will never tell me to marry just because I am getting older. I even have male friends whose families are starting to talk more and more about marriage and ‘settling down’ whereas neither of my parents is worried about it. It’s admirable because both my parents come from a generation where getting your children (especially daughters) married is a part of parental responsibility. This is an immense relief because as an individual, I don’t believe in the social construction that suddenly makes everything acceptable overnight just because a mere piece of paper was signed. I am extremely grateful that marriage isn’t something on my to-do list which I have to get done to keep my own parents pleased. I am not sure how I would cope with this pressure if I had to.
This brings us to the end of the series of blog posts about conversations with parents. Thank you for reading. I hope the series helped you reflect on your relationship with your parents and think about things you will do differently when it's your turn.