Conversations I never had with my parents: Part 1 of 2

1. The “s” word

I am quite sure I am not the only one here who has never uttered the ‘s’ word in front of their parents. Sex education, discussions about sexual health, safety, or even our own sexuality are never talked about. Where I come from, most biology teachers skim through the reproduction chapter or just remove it from the syllabus when possible. Gynecologists have a very popular solution for female patients which is “your condition will get better after marriage” where they basically mean after one becomes sexually active. The taboo behind premarital sex is so dominant that they stick to sugar-coating their words to not hurt society’s sentiments.

My parents, even though more progressive than many I know, also never discussed sex with me. I was always told to ‘be careful’ but never explicitly taught what is abuse and what is not. There are not many sources for preteens to learn about these important things. The one time I got into a discussion with my mother at 19, I was telling her that a woman does not necessarily need a marriage to have a child, my opinion was heavily frowned upon as being too “modern”.

2. Mental health

I have been living away from my parents for 5 years now and there has not been a single phone call where they forgot to mention that I should eat well and take care of my physical health. Any fluctuations in my weight have been noticed through photographs but conversations around mental health barely happened until I initiated them. And even when I did, it was an area they were unfamiliar with which led to the discussions being unfruitful. Like most from their generation, my parents are not open to topics that they deem to be unimportant. Their reactions, as expected, have been statements like “Go out with friends”, “Don’t cry”, “Go shopping you’ll feel better”, etc. When I opened up about seeing a therapist or taking medication for depression and anxiety, I also wanted to talk about how some of their actions can be triggering, but there was, unfortunately, no space for that. Most parents don’t really understand that mental health is as important as physical health because they spend their whole life giving us things that they never had for themselves. And in most cases, mental health awareness or discussions don’t fall in that category.