When we leave our home countries with hearts full of hope, we make many unspoken decisions. The decision to lose a comfortable life, the decision to lose lovers or friends due to the distance, etc. In bags full of our material possessions, we also carry an uncertainty that we hope we never have to unpack. Every time we visit home, we never know who we are seeing for the last time. Amongst all those sad, chaotic airport goodbyes, some of them are our last ones. We are afraid to take those untimely, midnight phone calls because on the other end our worst nightmares might have come true - a death in the family.
Even if you’ve played the scenario multiple times in your head before, the news hits hard. Suddenly, the world feels bigger than it does on other days, and you realize how painfully far you are. The distance, the plane fares, the paperwork complications - everything accentuates the pain of loss. The pain is also wrapped with guilt- the guilt of not being present for the rest of the family at such a terrible time.
On some days we decide to pretend like it never happened to make things easier, even if momentarily. We hope for time to work its magic, and the pain to eventually subside. We take our yearning to see the lost one for one more time and tuck it in the safest corners of our hearts. We continue with our immigrant lives on the other side of the globe.
‘মরণ বলে আমি তোমার জীবনতরী বাই।‘ - রবীন্দ্রনাথ ঠাকুর
Death says, “I guide the course of your life. It is I who row your lifeboat” – Rabindranath Tagore (Translation by Chaitali Sengupta)
