The curse of body shaming

TW: This post discusses body image and self-worth issues

I was recently advised to not gain further weight for “health reasons” and that person (a woman, ofc) made the comment while scanning my body with her eyes. Not the most comfortable experience, I must say.

I don’t know at what point in history it became acceptable for others to make a comment on other people’s bodies, but I wish we could go back in time to change that. It could save our species from a lot of mental health struggles. In an era where we click photographs all the time, having toxic relations with our bodies and the food we eat, is very challenging. Having access to filters that lighten our skin, remove blemishes, make us appear thinner, etc. only feed on those insecurities.

Needless to say, women deal with body image issues a lot more than men do. Thanks to the unrealistic, the overly sexualized portrayal of women’s bodies in media. Girls are made conscious of their “unattractive features” from a very early age – excess body or facial hair, weight, height, bust size, skin texture, skin color, hair length/thickness, teeth alignment, and whatnot. We learn about our ‘flaws’ before we start to learn about ourselves and that often leads to a lifetime of insecurities. It takes us years to look at ourselves in the mirror and like what we see. The lack of self-love and confidence reflects on all our relationships – the one that we have with our own bodies, with partners, friends, children, and obviously, food. I used to be a person who loves chips and soft drinks but these days, there is guilt every time I consume them. I have been working on the frequency of consumption, but I actively try to savor the unhealthy food whenever I eat them. I realized that if I don’t enjoy what I am eating, no one else will do it for me.

However, it's easier said than done. I know that. It breaks my heart to see talented, kind women being trapped in those thoughts. We often say mean, sarcastic, or self-deprecating things aloud just so that someone else in the room doesn’t get the chance to say it. I see social media flooded with compliments every time we lose weight or get clear skin and us soaking in that external validation. We forget that these are the same people who were insensitive enough to comment on our bodies in the first place.

There are a few rules I set up for myself that has helped with my awareness and confidence about my body image. I still have a long way to go but I’m hoping these can be helpful to others:

1. Unless it's an actual health concern diagnosed by a real doctor, it does not matter what other people say. There is a tendency in others to disguise their negative comments as health concerns, but they are not doctors, they don’t pay for your food or medical bills and I highly doubt they care about your health. So, eat that cake, have another serving of that delicious biriyani. YOU DO YOU.

2. The 30 seconds rule – not commenting on someone else’s appearance if it's something they can’t fix in the next 30 seconds. I have internalized this rule to a point that I can’t give compliments. I don’t like calling someone pretty when they dress up because I don’t want them to think that they are not pretty without makeup. (It’s messed up, I know)

3. Unfollowing people on social media who promote unrealistic body standards or food habits that are not very sustainable for me. Seeing people on my feed who eat out all the time and seeing people who eat healthy for all meals, can be equally harmful. I try to follow body-positive accounts that are real and honest. Anyone who makes me feel insecure, for whatever reasons, is not worth keeping on my friend list. I’d rather watch videos of babies and cats all day.

4. Not using excessive filters on my body or face when I’m uploading a picture. It only occurred to me recently how psychologically damaging filters can be, so I have been trying my best to moderate my use.

5. Becoming indifferent to compliments. Body shaming is not just fat-shaming, so I try to be aware of the words that come my way. I am learning to not get elated by compliments based on my external features so that the negative ones don’t get to me either. It's my own way of telling myself that it doesn’t matter how I look.

6. Talking about body image issues with people who feel safe. It's an extremely sensitive and personal topic but discussing my insecurities with others really helped me grow. This blog post is just another attempt at that.

We ALL have insecurities, and we are all trying our best. It's just important that we know what is toxic so that we can get to the roots of our problems and work on them. If a loved one thinks it's funny to pass comment on your external features, that’s not okay. If you think you are not worthy of a job or a relationship because of how you look, that’s not okay. The goal is to truly believe that we bring a lot more to the table than just our bodily features. Once we really internalize that thought, we can become comfortable in our own skin and make others around us gain from that positive energy as well.

Sending love and light to all the parts of your body that you don’t like. Let’s be kind to ourselves and to each other.

Yours truly,

Foreign Beaver in Canada.